Dear Diary is the fictionalized ‘diary’ of 25 year old Bria Hill. I invite you to read this ever-changing story, and even welcome your input on what Bria should do as she faces different obstacles and dilemmas. Remember, this is a fictionalized diary. So even though it is written in first person, and loosely based off of SOME of my experiences, dreams, and fears. This is NOT a memoir or my ACTUAL diary. 🙂
Keep reading below to follow along! I encourage you to “put voices in Bria’s head” by commenting on her journey and what you think she should do next, ESPECIALLY when she asks for advice…
So I think I’m going to do it, I’m going to put myself out there and perform. I’m going to an open mic (sort of) tonight. I told myself it was just to have fun with a newly found friend, but REALLY it’s for me. I hope it gives me the extra little push I need. But I think I’m going to do it. Not tonight. But someday soon. I know I’m going to do it. Perform my poetry.
So I’m surprisingly not hungover, partied out, or even tired from last night. Shocking ehh? The poetry night ended up being at this bar on the east side of town. Super hipster, eclectic, all natural, and other worldly types of vibes were what I was getting from the energy around us. The open mic was cool, but more about that later…
We met up before the open mic at this really cool Indian restaurant. I arrived late (surprise surprise) and didn’t get a chance to eat, because we were quickly rushed out to the Uber that was waiting to take our group to the show. Now the Uber showed up in this van, and since I’m pretty thin (slender, skinny, looking like I need a sandwich…) I ALWAYS volunteer to sit in the back – like the wayyy back. Like basically the trunk. But the driver (who had these cool dreadlocks that matched the authentic and artsy vibe of the evening) insisted that I sit in the front next to him. Nobody in the group seemed to mind. So cool. I sat in the passenger seat.
As the group chatted in the back, Locks asked me where we were going. I was like UM, Shouldn’t you know where we’re going?? Then I realized he was asking about the type of event. I laughed and told him an open mic, then he asks if I’m performing.
I told him yes.
Why did I do that?! Everyone else in the car was clearly wondering the same thing, since the entire group got dead silent, besides the looks that were all passing back-and-forth. We all had talked about me doing it eventually. But why did I feel the need to lie to this complete stranger?!?! Maybe it was to get a rise out of him? Gauge his response? Maybe I’m just a freaking liar that likes to go around lying to myself and random people I encounter…
Surprisingly no one called me out on my lie. We didn’t even mention it later. Locks asked me my name as I hopped out and I told him Bria Hill…
He said GOOD luck Miss Bria. You’re going to go far.
February is here!!!! So many reasons why I love this month. The weather’s getting nicer, people start sharing more about my history, anddddddddd its my Birthday month! Can’t believe I will be 25 this year. Twenty-freakin-five… Where has the time gone? I’m like halfway to 50…
You know, I can’t help but wonder if I’m at where I should be by now in my life. The fact of the matter is I don’t have any major accomplishments. No real career, no degree, no exceptional talents, no super close circle of friends, no children – what am I doing with my life?
One thing is for sure, by the end of this month I will have an answer to that question. This month I will be selfish. It will be all about Bria. I’m making this promise to myself right here and right now to take a step out of my comfort zone. As a matter of fact I’m going to start looking up open mic and poetry nights right now.
4/29/2015 No Angel
I don’t have much time to write now. I have an appointment in a few minutes. But here I sit with no one else to turn to but you. I don’t even know what made me grab this diary on my way out the door. I mean, I haven’t written since February and it’s now April. April 29th to be exact. Exactly 51 days since I’ve met Mark – a man who will have forever changed my life… No time to explain that now, the doctor should be calling me sometime soon.
But I will tell you my story. The WHOLE thing. The good, bad and yes ugly of it all. I’ve written so much in you over the years diary, so you already know I’m no angel- but this is different. I mean I never thought this would happen to me. But here I sit… Alone, afraid, and pregnant.
I think the nurse is coming. Yes, she’s calling for me now…